Stephanie: Hi, Naomi. Welcome to the podcast.

Naomi: Hello, thank you for having me.

Stephanie: Oh, it's my pleasure. And so glad to have you here today.I always love jumping into these stories. People who listen will know every literally every episode I'm like, I can't wait to talk about it. I'm so excited to talk to you today. So I feel like I say that over and over again, but it just is the truth. I love this topic. I'm just so captivated by this transition period around our forties. it took me by such surprise. so let's jump into your story. Why don't we start at the beginning? Tell me a little bit about your background and about your upbringing and kind of the forces that shaped you.

What's the prologue to our transition story?

Naomi: So, I grew up,in central New York. I'm the oldest child of five kids. So, I'm already very bossy and

a

Stephanie: leader,

Naomi: but also a nurturer because I helped take care of my two youngest brothers.

Stephanie: Yeah, fellow oldest girl here, too.

Naomi: But I had kind of a storybook childhood. My parents were, much in love and their focus was the family and, it was such a great role model for what I wanted to have in my life.

I wanted that white picket fence, you

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: You know, finding my husband, getting married, having the job, having the children and living happily ever after.

That's right. So it was,a lot to live up to, you know.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: And it felt like, you know, perfection.

Stephanie: I don't blame my parents for that at all.

Naomi: They did nothing wrong. I feel like society had it in for me.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Naomi: Not even me, just, you know. My

Stephanie: Little girls. Sorry. Society has it in for little girls,

Naomi: Yes.

Stephanie: You know, I, a lot like you come from two parent, intact nuclear family, very middle class American dream success story. You know, my dad worked, my mom stayed home with us when we were all little. Their focus was the family. There's so much that you're saying here that I relate to so, so strongly,

Naomi: But

Stephanie: You're right that it does set you up for a very high bar in your own head.

Naomi: Sure.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: Yeah. And so when I had my traumatic event happen, it was just like, I was embarrassed.

Stephanie: Like that was my gut reaction was to be embarrassed. Like because I was a failure.

I failed the dream. I failed my family. I failed my parents. When I didn't even, I didn't even do anything wrong, but it was like, it took me, it, I think it took me two whole days to tell my parents,

oh.

Naomi: about what was going on.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: That breaks my heart now

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: I would be heartbroken if my children

Stephanie: Right.

Naomi: able to come to me like immediately.

Stephanie: Yeah. If they didn't feel comfortable. Or safe.

You know with such a high bar,I didn't want to let anyone down. You know what I mean? Yeah. I do. I certainly do. Yeah. So you're coming out of this storybook,childhood, and tell me a little bit about, you go to college, and then what?

Naomi: So I go to college and I meet my husbandWe were together all of college,and then got married right out of college. So, 22 years old.Married, living outside New York City. We both had jobs,moved a couple times,and, you know, figuring our lives out. And then, about the age of 26, 27, we start having a family. HadCJ, Chuck Jr.

We ended up with a total of three kids. With my second, I stay at home. I leave my interior design degree or career,

Stephanie: and

Naomi: I stay at home and do the mom thing. I was loving it.

Stephanie: By all accounts, you're continuing the storybook.

Naomi: Yes.

Stephanie: Right? And the fact that you're so fortunate to be able to stay home and raise your kids.That's pretty storybook, especially in, you know, in modern days.

Naomi: And I was still living up to the example that my parents gave. Now, my mom wasn't a hundred percent stay at home. She had moments of stay at home, but a lot of times she would work in the school district, so she had our same schedule. So

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: on the summers and stuff like that. So I was still living up to the example that I had growing up.

So, stay at home mom andthree kids. We ended up,two boys and a girl. And, everything was great. Until it wasn't.

Stephanie: Oh. So, before we go any further, were there red flags? Were there things you were ignoring? Tell me a little bit about what you were ignoring.

Naomi: Or were you?

My, well, now ex husband,my husband at the time definitely suffered from,depression. And he had battled depression,in college and after college. And it was a continuing thing thatwe tried to deal with. And through multiple therapists and me suggesting medication but at the time I had three babies.

Stephanie: Right.

Naomi: I had a new infant and I had like a three year old and a five year old. It was, I could not give enough attention

Stephanie: to

Naomi: him and was probably ignoring his need for me.

Stephanie: I did not need a grown man needing me that much.

Right? Right. You had a lot of need going on. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Naomi: So, yeah, his mental health,and also he has,narcissistic tendencies.

Stephanie: Okay.

Naomi: His childhood was,different. Not totally different, but he was the baby boy. His parents put him on a pedestal.

Stephanie: Yeah. Doted. Yeah. Mm

Naomi: And,that pedestal started to crumble when,his father got ill.

Stephanie: And his father passing away was the beginning of the end

for him.

For our situation.

Naomi: There were mental health issues. There were depression issues, but you guys knew about them. You were managing them. You were attentive to them. You were taking care of them. It wasn't like you'd been ignoring those things for 10 years. Right.

And that's the thing though with mental health is that you have to put in the work. And you have to face your demons.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: And that was not something that. He fully embraced. He would rather stick his head in the sand.

Stephanie: Yep.

Naomi: And and not deal with it. Like, that was how he resolved all conflict, you know, not all conflict, but, for him, like every winter he hibernated. He never went to school. Like classes in college.

Stephanie: Oh, interesting.

Naomi: He would just rather ignore the difficulties than actually facing them.

I was very aware. I mean mental health has been something that's always been important to me

Stephanie: hmm.

Naomi: long time. And you can't force him

Stephanie: Yeah,

Naomi: to, to take care of it. You know, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Stephanie: Okay. So his father dies. And happens after that? How do things start breaking down?

Naomi: At this point he is on disability for work. He was a football player in college. He played at the division one level, so his body was very beat up.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: He was a lineman, so he was a big guy. he needed back surgery.

Stephanie: He had a couple of herniated discs. So, I have like a three month old newborn and he's getting back surgery.

Yeah.

Naomi: I have a picture of daughter on the hospital bed with him

Stephanie: Yeah,

Naomi: as a newborn. So, just, you know, adding to the roller coaster of life.

Stephanie: A lot.

Naomi: of

Stephanie: So was the back surgery successful? Was recovery successful?

Naomi: Yeah. Yeah, it was, it was successful. But he's still not working. And I don't think he wanted to go back to that career anymore. He wanted an escape. An out. And, he found that escape in another woman.

Stephanie: So that was that was the beginning of our end.

Yeah, I'll bet. Wow. Okay. So tell me from there, if this is ending, you're heading towards a divorce. We know he's your ex husband.

Naomi: Yeah. We separated.Within that year of separation,we tried to make it work,a few times. Then he, every single time he kept leaving me for someone else. Finally the third time I was done.

Stephanie: Yeah, of course.

Naomi: I'm serving him divorce papers and he's asking me, why, like, why are you doing this to us? Why are you doing this to me? You know, kind of thing. And I'm just like, you've got to be kidding me.

Yeah. So I am done. I am now trying to pick up all the pieces because everything was a mess. Our finances were a mess. He was a mess. I was a mess. Family was a mess. And you know, in his typical, I'm going to stick my head in the sand way of dealing with things, I have to take care of everything.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: So it was a lot, because now my white picket fence dream is completely and utterly shattered. And I was just like, I don't even know what to do with myself.

Stephanie: You've got three kids under five, and a divorce to manage, and a household to disintegrate.

Naomi: Yeah,

Stephanie: What did you do? And no job. Well,

Naomi: job.

Stephanie: I guess the only silver lining there is at least you've got the time to do the things you need to do. But, uh, I'm grasping strongly for a silver lining.

Naomi: Yeah, with three kids under three there's no such thing as time

Stephanie: Right. Yeah.

Naomi: I need a job and of course We had with my ex husband and his issues, there was always this need to have a new shiny toy. You know, this is something to,feed his ego and deal with his narcissism. And so the most recent shiny toy was to buy a bar. So he, he invested withhis cousin and his cousin's wife.

So the four of us were owners of a bar. A restaurant and bar. And, as much as I have a love hate relationship for Thurston's, it was still,important because it ended up being my job.

Stephanie: Oh, okay.

Naomi: Our manager was going out on maternity leave and I needed a job. And so I was like, let me just do this because the idea of going back to a normal nine to five,was not doable because of still having to

Stephanie: Wasn't feasible.

Naomi: to deal with the kids and run the household. And I was like, okay, I'm just going to figure this out. I wish I had that bravery now. Like

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: I had no idea, but I had no choice.

Stephanie: Right.

Naomi: I think that's what makes the difference.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: When you have a choice, you're more scared. Like when you don't have a choice, you just do. So that was my life for many years of just doing because I had to.

Stephanie: So you were separated from your husband and working in the restaurant bar that you owned with him and his cousin and her and his wife. How long did that last? I

Naomi: was running it for 15 years.

Stephanie: Oh, okay. All right. Okay. So not just a transitional period, but quite a long time. Okay. How long did it take you to get a handle on how to run a business?

Naomi: I think it took me, it took me a couple years.

Stephanie: Yeah, that makes sense.

Naomi: Yeah. I'm not that person that has a big ego. I went into it and I was like, everybody, tell me what to do. Let me absorb your knowledge. Every vendor that came in, every sales associate, every staff, every person, I was like, teach me.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Naomi: So I learned on the fly.

Stephanie: Okay,

Okay, so that piece,takes you through a whole another, period of life, but tell me how longthe deterioration and dissolution of your marriage, like how long did that last or how long did that take?

The divorce part?

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: That year that we were separated before, like, the formal divorce, that was a lot.

Stephanie: Right.

Naomi: I mean, especially with the back and forth. His girlfriend not being able to handle him and coming to me for help with him.

Stephanie: Oh, are you kidding me?

Naomi: Yeah,

Stephanie: Ugh.

Because he always dated children. Yeah, right.

Naomi: The much younger women thatdon't know any better.

Stephanie: Oh my god.

Naomi: Yeah. For many years, you know, after our divorce, he would profess his love and I will always be the love of his life and blah, blah, blah. Like it was, was for a long time.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: But never did I ever go back. I was done.

Stephanie: Good, good.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: So how old were you when you got divorced?

Naomi: I was 33.

Stephanie: Okay.

Naomi: 33, about, you know, I was 34 that year. So yeah, I felt like I should have been in the prime of my life.

Stephanie: Yeah, and instead it was crumbling. Yeah.

Naomi: through the largest transition period.

Stephanie: Yeah, For sure. But it also, when you and I first talked, it also set you into kind of a mode that you didn't really notice for a while, maybe even for a long while. Tell me a little bit about that.

Naomi: Yeah, so I was stuck in survival mode. It was,

Stephanie: No surprise.

Naomi: I mean, that fight, flight, or freeze. I was in one of those at all times. Like, there was nothing healthy about my mental state.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: Because I was just trying to survive.I had alluded to our finances being a mess, like our house got foreclosed on. Like I, because there was no way I could pay the mortgage.

Stephanie: Right.

Naomi: Like I moved out and abandoned it and then it got foreclosed on. So it's like I was just doing anything I could to survive. My dad forced me to do like public assistance. Purchase a care for daycare, food stamps, health care, you know, I was, I was so embarrassed

Stephanie: yeah.

that this is

Naomi: what my life had come to. You know, up until that point, I had never shopped at a Walmart before. And so that's when I was like, guess I got to go to Walmart.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: Now I go to Walmart all the time.

Stephanie: Right, right, right, right. But when you're coming from that solid middle class place,

Naomi: yeah,

There

Stephanie: are things that you, you know, I'm a Target, not a Walmart kind of person, right? Like,

Naomi: Right.

Stephanie: But when the chips are down,

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: your dollar goes further at Walmart. So, this had to be a real big mental shift for you, right? You go from being the, coming from the middle class fairy tale, growing up, stepping into the middle class fairy tale on your own. And, you now you're asking for help from a lot of places.

Naomi: For everywhere.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: It was humbling.

I was stuck in survival mode for a very long time, and I didn't even realize it. I had become so emotionally unavailable, because I had my armor on, I had my guard up, I had my walls around me. That's no way to live because, it's a basic human need to have connection and feel seen and heard and you can't do that when you're surrounding yourself by walls and armor and survival mode.

And so I was, I was

Stephanie: And distrust,

Naomi: Yes. Yes.

Stephanie: You don't trust anyone before they have the opportunity to prove you right or wrong.

Naomi: Right.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: So I was drowning and I didn't even realize it.

Stephanie: Yep. How did you finally realize it?

Naomi: I'm a hopeless romantic. So even, even though, I had my heart very broken, I still wanted to find love again. And I wanted to get remarried. I constantly was, attracting the wrong person my life, and I didn't know why.

Stephanie: What did that look like attracting the wrong person? Can you tell me a little bit about what the wrong person looked like?

Naomi: They were as equally as damaged as I was. Very emotionally unavailable. A lot of hot and cold. I want you, I don't want you. Like, the drinking, the partying, the casual lifestyle, the noncommittal, kind of thing.

And I'm attracting these people and still somehow wanting a commitment. So something was not right. Like

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: not aligning

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: With what I was putting out into the universe, but I didn't I didn't know this. Like I know this now.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: I can look back because you know hindsight's 20 20.

Stephanie:

Naomi: It blew my mind when I figured it out.

Stephanie: Yeah. I did a version of that for a long time as well. Though the partying, the social,the sort of casual lifestyle. I like the way you described that. My only twist was I was a serial monogamist. So I was getting the commitment. I was with somebody, but it never was. It never worked. It was never fulfilling.

I was doing a lot of ignoring of red flags and trying to love people enough that they would want to fix themselves or that they would fix themselves or they had the opportunity to fix themselves. Or maybe I was trying to fix them. So, yeah, I spent a lot of years, maybe,close to 20 years in that mode.

Naomi: Okay

Stephanie: Yeah, a lot of the wrong relationships. And some relatively nice people and some terrible people.But just, you know, not, not emotionally available, not healthy, not, you know, stable within themselves, grounded. And nor was I at the same time.

Naomi: didn't realize it did you

Stephanie: Oh god no! I kept wondering why. Why? Why can't I find something that works? Why can't I find the right man?

Naomi: Why am I surrounded by douchebags and drama? I had no idea.

Stephanie: Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

Naomi: Self-awareness is something they should teach in grade school.

Stephanie: Yes. Yes. Ah.

Naomi: It would be really helpful.

Stephanie: It really would. Yeah, there's a bunch of courses that we should get put onto the grammar school and high school curriculum.

Naomi: Yeah. I actually had that conversation with my kids the other day. They're, they're adult ish. They're in their early 20s. About what kind of real life courses you should add to high school.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Naomi: They love that conversation.

Stephanie: That's awesome.

Okay, so we're attracting douchebags and drama, and we don't know why. When did the penny drop, or the sunrise, or the gauze lift? Like how did you start to realize that it wasn't all them?

Naomi: I am, I'm an overachiever. I like to learn. I knew something wasn't right. I knew that, I had to be able to do something to figure it out. I am addicted to self help books.

Stephanie: Okay.

Naomi: I love to listen to podcasts where I'm learning more about myself and life and stuff like that. And I was like, I'll start taking courses too. So like I started taking, like, like group coaching courses. And nothing was still really connecting.

My aha moment came in vehicle of a book.

Stephanie: Okay.

Naomi: It's actually, it's actually this book.

Stephanie: I'm Done.

Naomi: I'm Done,by La Lucy Sh I can't even pronounce her

Stephanie: Okay, bye Lucy. Yeah.

Naomi: How to Create Massive Shifts in Your Life and Attract Your Soulmate Relationship. Because for me at the time, like, love, that was my goal.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: That's what I wanted. And in the book she is talking about a conversation that she had with her mother. I'll read it. She said, "my mom turned to me and said, Lucy, you keep doing the same thing time after time and expecting a different result. You go to the same bar with your friends, stay up till all hours, drink far too much and feel like crap the next day. You're certainly not winning in the love department. How on earth do you expect different results?" This just slapped me in the face.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: She was talking to me.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: And it was like how do you expect to attract Prince Charming if you're not doing Prince Charming level things?

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: And I was blown away.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: She goes on to talk about how "If I wanted to attract someone who was looking for the kind of serious, committed, epic soulmate relationship I dreamed of, I had to completely change who I was being."

Stephanie: And that was it for me.

Yeah.

Naomi: I need to do better so I can have better.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: So, yeah, It's been such an amazing journey since then, because for me, this is the law of attraction. What you put out is what you get back.

Stephanie: Yep.

And so, I had to change what I was putting out into the world so I can get something back. So is a very clear like slap in the face moment. Tell me what some of the first changes, active changes you made were.

Naomi: I just started not accepting the crap. Making harder boundaries for what I would allow into my life. Saying no to the things that I know that are not right for me. You know, not going out so much. Spending more time at home.Not drinking as much, which is hard when you own a bar.

Stephanie: I'm sure

Naomi: It had become a very comfortable numbing strategy.

Stephanie: But it was more than that because I'm a long time bar denizen and I've had, you know, definite, locals over periods of years, but it becomes more than that. It's not just the drinking. It's also, it's your social circle. It's where you go to see people and talk to people and get kind of that social interaction. It's your community.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: And so, I know for me, it's funny, you're talking about this, a lot of the same things that happened around the year I turned 40, and it had been coming. It had been slowly coming over a couple of years, but I was going out less and I was drinking less. And as I look back, I realized that a lot of that time spent drinking was time spent avoiding, right?

Avoiding the quiet, avoiding what's going on in my own head, in my own body,in my heart, in my gut,drowning out all those voices. And so once you, start doing that less, you start getting more signals of things that might be better for you.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: I remember very specifically that when I met my husband,I knew he was different. I absolutely knew he was different and special. So I said out loud, I am going to do the exact opposite of what I have always done in a relationship. If I want to call him, I'm not going to call him. If I want to text him, I'm not going to text him. I need to do something different to get a different outcome. There had been realizations, in a couple of years before that. But when I finally met him, it was like, Oh, Steph, don't screw this one up. Really don't screw this one up.

Naomi: Well, that's great that you had the self awareness to make that choice.

Stephanie: Well, I was 40. The self awareness was a long time coming.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: The introspection.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: I read this book, I was probably 42, 43.

Stephanie: Yeah,

It felt like I was too old to be making these kind of realizations. I understand that.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: But better than not.

Naomi: Correct.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Yeah.

Like,where was this book like 10 years earlier? And the funny thing is, like, we've all seen the movie scenes that do this. You probably passed the book 40 times. Like, in the front of a bookstore window, on your friend's couch side table. but you just weren't ready for it. Like, if you had read it 10 years,

Naomi: Would it have registered in the same way?

Stephanie: No. You would have been like, that's not me.

Naomi: It's one of the things that I still struggle with. How long it took me to figure my shit out.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: And I do understand that my journey has happened this way for a reason. And I respect it and I understand it. It gives me,deep appreciation for what I have accomplished.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: It's like, did it have to take that long?

Stephanie: Yeah. I can relate so hard to that. It's like, did I really have to make such a mess? Was I really not smart enough? Like was I not paying attention? Like what the hell? Why did it take me so long?

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: And I think I wasn't ready until I was ready.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: You know,

Naomi: That's part of the reason why I do what I do now is because I want to help women get to that place sooner,

Stephanie: but

Same. I mean, that's what the podcast is all about. Let me show you so many versions of this messy spot that you can learn from them. You can relate to them. You know, you're not alone. Maybe you pick up some tips on how to get through it with a little bit more grace and ease than you and I did.

So yeah, we're, we're kind of aligned there on, on our missions. Yeah.

Naomi: So you read the book and you started setting better boundaries. What other kind of actions or steps did you take to kind of clear your path? I definitely made steps to go back to who I was. Like the old Naomi. Not, I don't want to say the old Naomi, but some of the old Naomi to create Naomi 2. 0. I used to be a homebody. And, you know, during this time period, I couldn't stand being at home. I needed to be out. I needed to be, looking for men or having a good time. So I just started doing things to get back to who I was. Spending time at home and spending more time with some of the friendships that I amazingly still had that I knew were better for me. So, it was about, surrounding myself with better people, places, and situations.

Stephanie: While still having to go back to work. Going back to that old situation because it was also your livelihood.

Naomi: Yes.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: A place that I had wanted to leave for probably seven years. And I was dreaming of leaving it. Because it was, I knew that it was not the environment that I needed to be. It wasn't going to take me anywhere in life. It wasn't going to,support my growth. And, I had been dreaming of ways to leave it for a very long time. And that's even one of the courses that I took. It was Career Clarity Bootcamp is what it was called.

Stephanie: Okay.

Naomi: It was with,a business coach, who I still actually use to this day.

Stephanie: Nice.

Naomi: But,I was looking for clarity. That word clarity gets me so many times. Because for so long I didn't have it.

Stephanie: And often times finding it is a much bigger challenge than you can even imagine.

Clarity in your goals, clarity in what you want, clarity in who you are.

Yeah.

Naomi: Those are big things that I feel like people struggle with more than they realize.

Stephanie: And so I got some clarity on what I wanted and then I got some balls.

Okay.

Naomi: Which also, came from another book.

Stephanie: Okay.

Naomi: I love it. And let me, I'll pull it down. Amy Porterfield,

Stephanie: Oh,

Naomi: who I love,

Stephanie: yeah. Yeah.

Naomi: Two Weeks Notice. This book gave me the balls to give my two weeks notice.

Stephanie: Wow.

Naomi: There's

Stephanie: right.

Naomi: in the book that says, just write it down. And I think I wrote it in the book. When are you going to tell your boss, your coworker, your partner, when are you going to tell them, that you're giving your two weeks notice? That was enough. That was all I needed to

Stephanie: yeah,

get me on this next transition. And I can't even imagine how challenging that must have been for you because you weren't just an employee. You were a part owner too. So there's a whole nother level of being sort of, roped and wrapped into it, you know, when you own something versus, you know,

Naomi: Yeah, I had put blood sweat and tears.

Stephanie: yes,

Naomi: I built this business up

Stephanie: yeah,

Naomi: with my blood sweat and tears. At this point,my ex husband and I were sole owners. We were sole owners for 8 years and I'm going to give myself credit. The business is what it is because of me. Andletting that go was very hard to wrap my head around

Stephanie: yeah,

Naomi: for a very long time because they were like my family, how could I desert them? How can I leave them? Why would I leave all this blood, sweat and tears that

Stephanie: invested.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: Well, and then there's another piece that often comes up in these conversations too about identity. Right? I bet that there was a big part of your identity that was wrapped up in that bar restaurant that you were the owner of, you were the manager of, you were the person who was driving it to success.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: If you strip all those things away, what are you?

Naomi: Yeah. And that's that clarity that I was just talking about. You know, who am I? What do I want? How am I gonna get it? I had to figure that out before I could move forward.

Stephanie: I want to talk about how you found clarity. You said you, you took courses, you took the boot camp, you read books. There's a couple of books that really helped you. Was there anything else? Cause I think clarity is something that many people struggle to find. It's one of those like, well fine, I know I should do it, but how? Right?

Naomi: Clarity definitely comes from a lot of self awareness. Like it's a deep dive It's taking a really long look in the mirror and probably not liking what you're seeing, butit then gives you the motivation to make some changes.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: So,the courses, the books, they helped me take that long look in the mirror and help me make some important shifts to really get back to who I was. Create Naomi 2. 0, and move forward.

Stephanie: Yeah. Well, and one of the other things, when you were talking about taking a long look at the mirror and probably not liking what you're seeing, there's a piece right there of like courage and bravery to not look away and just automatically like go back to something that's easier, comfortable, right? You have to steel yourself and actually look at all the icky things.

Right. Okay. So now you're finding clarity. How did you give your two weeks notice?

Naomi: It was right after St. Patrick's Day, which obviously is a big bar,

Stephanie: Big party day.

Naomi: biggest bar holiday of the year.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: So much work. And I was actually not around this year because my daughter had a soccer tournament. So I got to fly to Florida to do soccer and I left my ex husband to take care of everything. It was a good practice run for me not being around.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Naomi: I had told him that I wanted to sit down and discuss, the future of the business kind of things. And I sat him down, we were actually in the restaurant, sitting in the back corner, and I told him I wanted to leave Thurston's.

And he immediately took it that I just didn't want to be the manager anymore. He was like, okay, well, I'll do the manager stuff, and I was like,no. I want you to buy me out and he just, he just like sat back and he was like, okay, I could tell he was shocked.

Stephanie: Yeah.

And

Naomi: not trying to like, have a a negative reaction.He's like, well, when would you like, you know, to, to figure this out by? And he's like, okay, I'll have to work on getting funding. And so he starts going into like figuring it out mode. At the time I told him six months, which would have been the end of the third quarter.

Stephanie: It ended up being the end of the year.

Naomi: So I am almost one year,free from Thurston's.

Stephanie: Congrats, that's amazing.

Naomi: Yeah.

Stephanie: Great. I'm guessing that with all the hard work that you put in over such a long time, it was a successful business. And so did the buyout give you a nice little nest egg to go figure out what was next and, to sort of help you bridge?

Naomi: Yes.I use that as part of my plan.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: That was my bridge to live off of. You know, I gave myself a year to figure outhow I was going tomake money. Like go to school, get my certifications, you know, all that kind of stuff so I can re-enter the world as a contributing life coach.

Stephanie: Yeah. Okay. So you knew you wanted to be a life coach. All right. So let me circle back to one of the threads that we kind of dropped for a little while. You had always been looking for love. So tell me a little bit about how that thread of your life, was going over those, you know, those last, I don't know, five or seven or eight years.

So, almost since the beginning, since my daughter was two,I had dated,this one person off and on.

Naomi: His name is Mike. We both had our traumas. He was recently divorced, I was recently divorced. We were both hot messes. So for the next, 10 or so years, we dated off and on. I dated other people in between.

I turned, 45 a few years ago and that was part of the reawakening of Naomi 2. 0.

Stephanie: Yep

Naomi: I wanted to be emotionally available. I didn't want to be in survival mode anymore. And this was one of the times where I reached back out to him.

It was the day after my 45th birthday. And I reached back out to him, and he swore he would never talk to me again, would never get back together with me, we have been together ever since.

Stephanie: Okay,

Stephanie: Wonderful. So you guys were essentially completely different people than when you first started dating.

Naomi: Yeah

Stephanie: Yeah. So you're married, remarried, and you've got a career that you've now chosen and are loving.

Are you back behind another white picket fence?

I feel like I am,and I was thinking,a few weeks ago. I was sitting in bed and it was a Friday and I was taking like an intentionally slow morning to be grateful for my life and the things that I had.

My husband made me coffee and he brought it to bed for me. And I'm literally in tears thinking about how freaking happy. I was.My kids are great. My marriage is great. My life is great. I'm happy about the progress of my career and I'm looking forward to all that's going to be. I was like, I have never been this happy in my life.

Wow.

Naomi: It was just, such an amazing revelation.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: yeah, I was sitting in bed with my coffee crying about how happy I was.

Stephanie: That's wonderful. And, you know, the thing about it that's wonderful, I feel like,when you were talking about how you spent so many years, locked in survival,there's really no room for happy tears in survival mode, right? So there's,

Naomi: at all.

Stephanie: right, to me that's like a,a visual cue of the thawing of that survival mode, of the release of that, of the relaxation into a place where you can feel those happy things.

Naomi: Yeah. That's definitely, a really nice analogy,the thawing of the survival mode.And I think the gratitude is a key aspect of that. You know, being grateful for all that you have is, it's such a blessing.

Stephanie: Yeah. And even working towards and coming around to being grateful for how long it took you to get there.

Naomi: Right. if I had gotten there any sooner, it wouldn't have been with Patrick and that is just sort of heartbreaking because

right,

Stephanie: you know, he's my angel.

he's my other half.

Naomi: yeah.

Stephanie: and it is such a good relationship and so different from anything I ever did before it. so there come moments where you go, well. I guess it was all on the right timeline because look at all the things that have come out of it.

Naomi: Well, and that's, and that's the thing, because I've become such a believer in the power of the Universe.

Stephanie: Me too.

Naomi: and, you know, whether you call it the Universe, or God, or Spirit, like, for me, it's all in one. The universe has their plan, and, it's not ours to dictate, so, if you put out the energy that you want to give back, and the universe will provide.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Naomi: Its time,

Stephanie: I had a mentor many years ago who used to call it a blueprint. You come in with the blueprint, right? a lot of the lines are there, but you get to sort of bring them to life and flush them out.

You come in with it. He used to say.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Naomi. I love happy endings. I'm so thrilled that your trip through survival finally came to an end and you were able to bloom. That's so wonderful. I want to thank you so much for joining me on the podcast and for being so generous with your story. I really appreciate it. I enjoyed it so much.

Naomi: I enjoyed,sharing my story and I hope that it helps,someone else get through their story.

Stephanie: Yeah, I'm sure that it will. If we believe in the universe, then we know that this episode will find the right people.

Naomi: Yeah, definitely. Ha,