Stephanie: Hi, Laurie-Ann. Welcome to the podcast.

Laurie-Ann: Hello Stephanie. I'm so glad to be here with you.

Stephanie: I'm so glad to have you here with me for a number of reasons. One, fellow podcaster. Two, fellow New Hampshire-ite! Those two don't often cross over. So yay, New Hampshire podcasters. And three, when we were just chatting before we turned on the recording, we realized that you and I have some really common experiences in the tiniest town in central New Hampshire, which is such a riot.

Laurie-Ann: That is so funny. So funny. Yes.

Stephanie: A small world.

Laurie-Ann: It really is very small.

Stephanie: I know one of my great aunts used to say something like this, but like the older you get, the smaller it gets, right?

Laurie-Ann: It's, and I think that's true. And that's just because you just meet and meet new people and more people, but it's also so wonderful at the same time.

Stephanie: Yes. Yes, absolutely. And I love that because it's like all of a sudden I feel like you and I are friends because we have this common experience. But I want to talk to you today about your midlife transition. I'm really, interested to get into this story.

You've told me bits and pieces of it. So why don't we start at the beginning? What were the forces that shaped you? Who were you when you get to your early to mid thirties?

Laurie-Ann: God, who was I?

My life, like I put into categories based on like, who was I dating back then, which helps me remember like who was I as a person? How did I show up in that relationship? What job was I in so my early thirties. I was still working in a hospital.

Stephanie: Okay.

Laurie-Ann: Getting ready to leave. I was not one of those people that, I didn't make a good employee because I was always like here's how we can do things so much better. Here's how we can make more money, you know, and in a hospital setting people are just like no no. It's insurance that pays our bills. And it's like no it's relationships with doctors, and keeping people sick, basically. Like health care is a business. That's all there is to it. And I remember thinking that even in my early 30s.

Wow. So that was my

Stephanie: of healthcare were you in?

Laurie-Ann: I did cardiac and vascular ultrasound.

Stephanie: Okay.

Laurie-Ann: So I have a degree in exercise physiology. So I kind of like was all about this cardiology stuff and that's what got me into health care.

Stephanie: Okay. All right. So, and it's funny that you say that you kind of look at your life by who was I dating? I do the exact same thing, but that actually is a wonderful segue into the story. So in your early to mid thirties, you were, I think, 34 and you started dating someone special. Tell me a little about

Laurie-Ann: him.

I did date someone special.

People talk about that moment when you meet the right person, you just know. It's almost like, here's my Prince Charming. Well, I did have one of those moments, but didn't realize it at the time.

I took a, class on preparing for retirement. Yes. I'm one of those geeky people that I'm only in my thirties and I'm taking this class because I don't want to be behind.

Stephanie: Right,

Laurie-Ann: So I took the class while I was dating somebody else. That didn't work out. I ended up living with my sister and she had some kid who came to the house and was giving her what I thought was god awful financial advice.

And I was like, Sue, I don't know a whole lot about all this stuff, but the fact that he doesn't read the Wall Street Journal on a daily basis, I think is a problem. I know this guy. I took his class. Let's go find out. And I ended up in the class again, but this time the teacher asked me out. And that was Bob. And Bob and I dated for two years. And literally after the end of that first class, when he asked me out and we were just talking, I remember just like watching his mouth move, but I couldn't hear a thing he was saying because I was like, like the pitter patter, like, Oh my God. I literally said to myself, this is the man that I've been waiting for.

Stephanie: And we started dating and two years later, he proposed. And then eight months later, I became a widow.

Laurie-Ann: Oh. Yeah, that was hard.

Stephanie: That's the understatement of the week

Laurie-Ann: I, I will, I will share with you because this is always an awkward time when people find out about this. But let me share with you what my sister said, because my sister was sharing with one of her fellow employees that my sister just lost her husband. The woman says, Oh my God, that's so awful.

Sister's reply is no, actually it wasn't. They lived a lifetime of love in a short period of time. And that's really a beautiful way to put it. I learned so much about myself,

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: so much about what I was capable of,

Stephanie: so much about relationships.

Was it something expected Did you have any sense that that?

Laurie-Ann: Yeah, I did. It was cancer. Cancer, the equal opportunity disease, as I like

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: Doesn't care about your education, your finances. you know, your health stat. I mean, cause he was actually an extremely healthy man, except for this annoying tumor that grew on his spine that just wouldn't go away.

Stephanie: So, if I remember from our first, conversation, you said he had been married before, and he had, a child, is that right?

Laurie-Ann: He did.

Stephanie: Okay. And so the couple of years that you guys were together, tell me a little bit about, you know, how it was that you learned so much about yourself and how you guys, you know, created a family. I mean, tell me a little bit about what that, what those years were like.

Laurie-Ann: So his daughter was, you know, like she was out of high school. She was in her career. So she was a little bit older. I wouldn't normally use the word like we were a family. It's not like I was her mom or anything. I do think that I was a mentor to her and, she's just a lovely human being. Between him and the mom, I think they raised a beautiful human being who was out there and she's actually a nurse as well.

He also had a brother and a sister but they also relied on me when he really did get ill. And I was just like, yeah, but I'm a new wife too. Like, this is hard. Yeah.

But at least from my healthcare experience and background, I was able to navigate the healthcare system. So I did know the right questions to ask. I would say I did a lot of sneaky things, but got my way because I wanted the best care for him.

And what did I learn about myself? I'm very resourceful. I'm very dedicated. And I remember a former boyfriend saying to me, you're the kind of person that when the going gets rough, you're going to get going. And that always stuck with me. And I remember saying like, that's not true because my mother was mentally ill. It's not like I ever abandoned her. You know, I grew up in chaos and turmoil. So when Bob got ill, I certainly didn't run. I justput my head down. It was as if somebody said, and I'm just going to quote, this is something that Bob actually did say himself. If somebody told him to go dig out the sand at the beach, here's your tablespoon. He would just put his head down. Never look at it as being defeated. He would just put his head down and go to work. And, I did exactly that. I just put my head down, never really thought about later. I was just like, well, let's just focus on where we are right now. what can I do? What do I have control over? And those are the things that I would take care of. I have found multiple times in my life where I don't think about the third step or the fourth step. Which is sort of funny and that'll come into play later on when I talk to you about speaking.

Stephanie: You also said to me that you used, and I'll use the word used sort of generally, but optimism throughout this period of time. Tell me how you employed optimism to help you and everyone else get through this period in time.

Laurie-Ann: Well my younger sister, Rachel, her nickname for me is Positive Patty, and that's always been my outlook. Now, when I was in my early 20s, I had a lot of pessimistic moments. So I feel like my optimism was literally a choice one day. I was just like, I can either see the world as a glass is half full, or that it's half empty. I'm going to choose to see it as it's half full. I made the decision. I never had to remake the decision. A positive attitude just goes a long way. And if I could remain positive, then Bob, who was ill and trying to get better, he would remain positive. If I remain positive, his brother and sister and daughter, because they were constantly looking to me like what's happening? What's next? Is he dying? And I'd just be like, he's doing great.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Laurie-Ann: And so they looked to me, so I just always felt like it really was my responsibility to be the positive one, to be the positive pillar. And then everybody else would, which, you know, these are the people who surrounded Bob.

And so then he would be, because he's looking at everybody else like, what's happening to me? He's looking for answers. And our attitude kept him positive.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: And feeling good.

Stephanie: Yeah. And that goes a long way from a patient perspective. My dad also, got the equal opportunity, disease and he liked to say, my dad was also, quite a, a funny guy.

But he used to say, you know, I got prost. I have prostate cancer. And not the good kind, meaning not the kind that, you know, at 85 years old, you'll die of something else. And he truly did have a very positive outlook and, that helps in, you know, as you're making your way through and certainly also for, you know, for prognosis.

I mean, it, ultimately did take him, much like Bob, but, I think, those last, whatever period of time, it's like, you can either make it better and ring everything that you can out of that time, or we can all make it worse and make it harder and make it feel, bad every day.

And, so I understand that situation and the choice too.

Laurie-Ann: Yeah, I'll tell your listeners a story. I'm like, I think it was literally the last day I must have gone out to go do something, and came back. And so music is very, very powerful for me and I will listen to upbeat music and that just like that, this is from my teaching fitness classes, you know, because I needed to bring up my energy.

So I must have been listening to some very peppy music in the car because I came back and I was being like a little, a little excited and happy. And he says to me now, mind you, I have a hospital bed in my living room. He says, you're awfully happy for a woman who's about to lose her husband. But this is the sort of relationship that we had. I stopped. And said, because I was always about, giving him choices.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: I was like, okay, would you like me to be sad and crying or happy and smiling? And he went, I'll take the smiling version. I said, you've got it.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: I would just be that.

Stephanie: Yeah. It's such a nice way to set, the tone for the time and the space. I remember my dad, at the very end, he was, laying flat at that point, not sitting up on his own and, I walked into the room and he reached his hand out to me and he said, there she is. There's my daughter from my first marriage. My father was only ever married once. He and my mother werehigh school sweethearts, right? till the very end. And so it was like, yeah, you know, that for me was a moment, not that moment specifically, but that, that period in time, I realized that, you know, humor and, and silliness and mirth were at a cellular level for him. Like literally he could almost not speak anymore, but he was still cracking jokes. It was,

Laurie-Ann: And look at how you still remember that moment. I mean, your dad gave you such a gift by saying that to you.

Stephanie: Yes.

It.

Yeah. Well, okay. So you were awful chipper for somebody who is about to lose her husband and then you ultimately did lose your husband. What was it like after that? Tell me a little bit about the aftermath.

Laurie-Ann: Oh, putting your life back together just a little bit at a time. This was literally the first major death in my life. And it had to be my husband.

Stephanie: Right.

You didn't get any starter losses. Let's not work our way up with some grandparents and aunt or an uncle.

Laurie-Ann: So it was about putting my life back together. I would make a list of what I had to do the next day. I always made that at night. And sometimes I would go to Home Depot like three days in a row. I would just do one thing, you know, just like go buy the light bulbs, go change the light bulbs, you know, like that day.

And then I would, like, when I was done my list, I literally would sit on the couch and just watch TV. So some days I started,watching TV like at one in the afternoon, going until I went to bed at like nine or 10 o'clock. But then I slowly realized like, Oh wow, it's six o'clock and I'm watching TV now.

Like I said, so that's how I kind of measured how I was doing. It was just like I was getting back into life and putting my life back together. So that was one of the bigger moments. I just kind of like, wow.

And also I knew that I had to change the meaning of the dates and the dates that I chose were the date of his death. And also what would have been our first anniversary.

So our anniversary was the first date. So I had a cocktail party in my house and invited certain people. They were special people who had been around for that year and helped with that during that time when Bob was sick. And then the one year mark was more everybody who had helped me in that past year. And I do remember somebody saying, and this was on the, November 1st, Bob's, anniversary of his passing. Somebody asked, cause we're all hanging around in the kitchen because that's what people do. Laurie-Ann, can you tell, like, can you tell or explain or introduce like everybody?

And I went around the room and I introduced each person and how they had helped me, what their role was in that first year of being without Bob.

Stephanie: I can't even imagine how you would get through something like that without

Laurie-Ann: But

Stephanie: tears down your face. You did.

Laurie-Ann: but I did because I was so, I was in immense gratitude that these people helped me out. And then they all kind of came together to literally to celebrate Bob's life.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: So it was actually very beautiful. And I would say that that's something that I learned during the whole process is that death is as beautiful as birth.

Stephanie: That's a hard piece of learning to come around to. Can you talk a little bit more about it?

Laurie-Ann: That's probably just the positive Patty in me. It's like, well, how else could I look at this, but that it was a beautiful experience to be surrounded by love. And you know, like I lost my mom about 18 months ago and I feel, and I felt the exact same thing, that death is as beautiful as birth. She was surrounded by her four daughters. And there was so much love in that room.

Stephanie: Yeah. Wow. That is a really beautiful way to look at that.

Laurie-Ann: I think to be somebody else or to step into the role that is needed is what I did both times. You know, like, and I'm, I'm the big sister also, you know, like my other three sisters were, obviously, like, there was like a lot of sadness in the room, but to be able to be there for that person, for my mom, for Bob, that this was the way that they wanted to go.

Stephanie: It is an honorto be able to be there at that moment.So when Bob died, you were, I believe 36 and then the one year anniversary brings you to 37. So now we're coming into our late thirties. So tell me about your late thirties coming into 40.

Laurie-Ann: So I'm starting to realize I'm capable of so much. I mean, if I can literally make it through the death of my husband, I can do anything.

And so that's when I,I had started, you know, it's like, well, like there were a couple of things that I would say were on my list of things to learn and to do, but it was just like never the right time.

Like I wanted to, I was already coaching people, so that was one thing. But now it was like, I'm going to go for the certification, I'm going to finish this up and I'm really going to start speaking more. And so I joined National Speakers Association. And I would say my first weekend conference, like somebody said something to me and I was just like, I was devastated, but she must know better.

She must know better than me. I didn't trust myself then.

What did she say to me? it was during a coffee break and because I was new, she didn't recognize me. She was like, Hey, like I'm such and such. We introduced ourselves.What's your story? And I thought she meant like,really like what my story was.

So I tell her, about Bob's passing, you know, I'm a widow. And she says, that story's already been told. You'll never make it. And she pivoted and walked away. I was left there like, Oh my God. She asked me what my story was. She didn't ask me what I wanted to speak on, but all I heard was it's already been done.

Nobody will ever like, listen, like no one's ever going to hire you for that. I literally was devastated for so long, but that comes down to like, when I look back on that, you know, in hindsight, I didn't trust myself. I didn't believe in myself. Why was I looking externally for somebody to believe and validate my experience?

Stephanie: Right.

Laurie-Ann: It took me a number of years to get there though, folks.

Stephanie: Yeah, right, right. As, as it does for most of us, but it's interesting. I wonder, was that, so often we talk about energy and matching energy, right. And different of my guests, you know, like to remind me that, you know, we're all energy and I just wonder if there's a, this is just sort of popped into my head, if she was reflecting back at you, what you thought at that period of time.

Laurie-Ann: Could be. I was confused. But again, like, I didn't want to talk about grief. I didn't want to talk about being, because I didn't want people to say, oh, poor Laurie-Ann, Poor

Stephanie: right.

Laurie-Ann: widow.. Like, I never wanted anybody to say that to me because I didn't feel that way. And I felt like that would just pigeonhole me also. But my experience in taking care of Bob was leadership. And

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: And that's what I ended up speaking on. Because I was actually building a team of people that didn't even know they were on the same team. And I was just, I was leading them. So I was like leading like the healthcare nurses, the hospice nurses, the surgeons, the nurses, the everybody who was taking care of him.

I was literally leading them and had to say things to people to get what I wanted. So there was a lot of influence in there as well. So I learned a lot of skills and that's why I ended up speaking on leadership in corporate environments.

Stephanie: Yeah. What a terrible interaction with that woman. I feel she did not lay out the rules of engagement. So here you were thinking you were having a personal conversation with someone and not an audition for crying out loud.

Laurie-Ann: That's a great way to put it that it was an audition. Like was I good enough, like I was this young girl,but just didn't have a voice.

Stephanie: yeah,

Laurie-Ann: I didn't ask any questions. What do you mean? What's my story?

Stephanie: You didn't do the clarification of which story would you like to hear personal, professional?

Laurie-Ann: Yeah.

Stephanie: Oh my

Laurie-Ann: So, I mean, like, looking back on it, I can laugh at it, but guess what? There was a lot of gifts from that moment because I routinely talk about this story.

Stephanie: Do you know who she is? Like, if you saw her again, would you know her?

Laurie-Ann: Yes. Oh yeah.

Stephanie: I want to do like snake eyes at her. Like, Oh, what a terrible, do you? Okay. I want to know something. This is terrible. I wouldn't normally ask this, but like, do you know, like, is she a terrible person?

Laurie-Ann: No, I don't think she's a terrible person.

Stephanie: okay, it

Laurie-Ann: I did actually,get to know her a lot better. No, she's not a terrible person, but I have no idea what was happening in her life at that time that made her say something like that to me.

Stephanie: We don't know the mix of what was going on on her side or, yeah.

Laurie-Ann: This is the positive Patty. You know, I always give people, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Stephanie: Of course, of course. But of course, can see how that would shake your foundations of confidence as you were moving into this new world of wanting to be a speaker. I mean, you've spent your whole career in health care. In an operating room or in a medical environment, like this is so completely different from you. And you're just a fledgling, you know, bird in the nest at this point in time. So tell me about the next couple of years of like trying to put the pieces of that dream back together.

Laurie-Ann: It took me a long time with leadership. Granted, there's so many people who speak on leadership.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Intermission

Laurie-Ann: So, how did I stand out, like I wrote a couple of books, I did well with the clients that I worked with. I did some one on one executive clients with some pretty high profile people across the globe.

It wasn't until, like, I got a text message from somebody. And this is how I got into what I'm doing currently. I got this text message from somebody saying, Laurie-Ann, do you write speeches for people? Now I was like hopping on airplanes. I mean, literally at the time that she sent me the text message, I would come home, wash my clothes, just throw them in the suitcase again, because I knew that I was going to be picking up that suitcase a couple of days later.

But I would say, looking back on my time as a leadership speaker, it was like I was running through mud. There's a lot of people out there speaking on leadership. But it wasn't until this woman sends me this text message. Do I write? And I was like, no, but I know she is. And I'm like, I'll meet you for coffee.

You know, I'll see what I can do for you because I've got my coaching background. And she'd been losing money for five years in her business. Husband's like, you can't keep doing this when you retire. She's three years away from retiring from her government job. And if you know anything about government jobs, you'll stand on your head for three more years to finish off your time. And I was just like, Oh, Sharon, I'll teach you how to write a speech. I'll teach you how to get booked. I'll teach you how to leverage it into teach you what I know. And I had so much fun teaching her.

Stephanie: Hm. Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: After she gave her very first presentation, she walked away with three full paying clients to a small, tiny audience, by the way. There was only like 15 people in the audience. And she got referred to two other places to speak. That to me was a home run because one, it changed her business and her speech was so good that we had crafted something so fun, that the meeting planner was just like, here are two other places that you need to go and speak at. I'm going to tell them about you.

So you always want people to remember you, rave about you and refer you. Those are the three R's that I strive for with my clients. So I feel like it took me a long time to get here to this point. But had I not gone through that rocky path, I certainly wouldn't be here.

Stephanie: Right,

Laurie-Ann: I do believe that everything, happens for us, not to us.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: And so I eventually found my calling, if you will.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: And it was helping other people craft speeches that they can use as their best form of marketing. So I don't work with professional speakers. I work with like coaches and consultants, small business owners.

Stephanie: Yeah. Wow It's so interesting. You talked about the years that you were traveling and speaking being like going through mud. And I, would bet that everybody listening, and I certainly know that I can, relate to that feeling of just having to work so hard to make any progress,

Laurie-Ann: Why or just why is it so hard?

Stephanie: God.

Laurie-Ann: This is what I'm supposed to do. Why is it so hard? I loved helping my clients. I loved helping them build better teams, lead better, lead with their own leadership. I loved it, but it just felt like it was so hard.

Stephanie: Yeah. And it's so interesting because there are periods in my life where I feel like things are going so well and so easily. I always think, well, the Universe wants me to go in this direction because it's so smooth and so easy. Versus, you know, last year when I was trying to do X, I felt like I was, you know, dragging weights behind me. But I, I feel like we have to go through those periods in order to sort of have the compare and contrast. I can think of it when I was working for some other people, much like you, right? I not do well working for other people. And I, you know, I had some of these great jobs that were doing really cool things,

God, it just always felt like pushing a boulder up a hill, even though I liked parts of the job, I like the people I like, you know, there's so many things I liked. So, yeah, that that description.

Laurie-Ann: Yeah, there's no way I would be a speaking coach without having spent those years on the stage talking to meeting planners, crafting speeches, like I couldn't be doing this without going through the mud, basically.

Stephanie: Right. And so some of that mud it's interesting to think like, to try to. Put it into context. Like, are those our dues? Are those the foundation that we build, you know, to build something else upon it? You could sort of look at it a bunch of different ways, but then you have to ask, what's the difference between going through the mud and building the foundation or going through the mudon your way to where you're supposed to be and just being in the wrong place and not noticing it.

Laurie-Ann: Yeah. if like, yeah, it's almost like it's the same trail that you have to get to. And like on the other side is where there's Easy Street or you can keep going on down Struggle Avenue.

Stephanie: Right.

Laurie-Ann: it's the same,

It's that same path at the, and I had to go through that again.

Nobody would hire me as a speaking coach had I not had all of these years of being an actual speaker. You know, like I made a good living, but I didn't make, I just didn't get to the level that I wanted to.

Stephanie: I think it'sidentifying the off ramp from the muddy path and being willing to take it versus doubling down on the supposed to's, the should's, the you know, this is the direction, right? Versus being, being able to see, aha, there's a turn on the path, and if I went this way, it doesn't mean that what I've been doing is a waste. It just means I'm going to change direction.

Laurie-Ann: right. So

Stephanie: Interesting.

Laurie-Ann: I'm interviewing for a new virtual assistant, and a couple of them, have asked me, because I'll ask, what questions do you have for me? And one woman that I interviewed yesterday said, who's your competition?

Stephanie: Hmm.

Laurie-Ann: And I said to her, I don't know.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Laurie-Ann: And a part of me was like, there's lots of speaking coaches out there, but there aren't like, I don't know any other speaking coach that literally focuses and only works with coaches, consultants, and small business owners.

That's it. That those are my people.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Laurie-Ann: And, at the same time, as I'm answering that question to her, I'm just like, I don't care about competition.

Stephanie: Right.

Laurie-Ann: Like it doesn't matter to me. Unlike when I was in that leadership role, it was just like, there were so many people that I was competing against. There was always competition.

And now it's just like, it's, you know, like I've evolved, you know. I'm a different person than I was way back then in my forties. And now I'm just like, I don't care if there's competition. They do it their way. I do it my way.

Stephanie: Right. It took me a long time to learn that. I own a marketing agency and, I started it 17 years ago now, which is a long time. At the time, there were, a couple of guys in the business community who owned agencies that were older than mine, you know, they'd been around a lot longer and much bigger than mine.

And so for a lot of years. I looked up to them and said, Oh, wow. and I always thought I was doing it wrong because I was doing it differently than how they were doing it. Even though I would say to anybody who would listen, well, I don't want a 40 person agency. That's just not something I'm interested in.

So like, why would I think that I should be doing things that way, if that, if I didn't want that outcome. But it took me a long time to realize that my way was different. And so somebody said to me, you know, are those guys very successful, exceptionally good businessmen, are they your competition?

I would say not in a million years. They have, you know, lions and I have a giraffe, like, you know, they have apples and I have a kumquat. Like, it's just a different thing. Different people are drawn to me to work with me. And I, I always have to remind myself every time I think I should be doing all the things that they say you're supposed to be doing.

I always have to remind myself, like, stay in your shoes, Steph. Stay in your shoes. Cause when you do it your way, you get successful. And when you try to do it their way, it's hard work.

Laurie-Ann: Yes, absolutely. Well, that's a great story. And so true that I think we are taught as women that like, we're not to trust ourselves. We're not doing it right. We always have to look outside of ourselves and follow somebody else's lead.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Laurie-Ann: And had you not stayed in your shoes. You'd had 40 people like on a team and been attracting the same type of people as they were and like, who would take care of your people?

Stephanie: Right. Yeah. it's so interesting that if you can open up to the things that are meant for you. There actually is less competition

The things that are meant for you aren't meant for other people. So there actually is no competition.

Laurie-Ann: Follow the breadcrumbs. That's what I tell people. They will just be there for you. Follow them. what are the messages that you keep seeing over and over again, hearing from people over and over again? Just follow them.

Stephanie: Yes. And I've often said with previous guests during this period of life, when you start blossoming and blooming and sort of coming into yourself, not only do you follow the breadcrumbs, but you do two other things. You listen to the voices in your head, no matter how crazy they are. And, no matter how crazy they may seem,the kismet things that pop up in front of you, those are meant for you.

Those are, to your point, the breadcrumbs, right? The crazy things. Well, I've heard about that book three times in the last week. That's your book. Go and buy it. Go read the book.

Laurie-Ann: You talking about this reminds me of back in my, leadership days before I got that text message, I was feeling so tired hopping on and off airplanes. I felt like I was working for a company again. I was just punching a clock. I literally said Universe, I need a different business model. And two weeks later, I get a text message. Talk about following the breadcrumbs. And I just did it as a favor. I was like, all right, I'll help you.

Stephanie: Yeah, it didn't come with grand plan of this is my off ramp.

Laurie-Ann: It was just, I had fun. I had so much fun helping her and having, like, we came up with a prop, because props are so powerful in presentations. And because she was an image consultant, she had like, people love presents. So she had two presents that she would hold up. One that was wrapped in brown paper, no bow, no nothing.

And the other one was like this beautiful, beautifully wrapped present with a beautiful bow. She's like, which one do you want to open? People always say the beautifully packaged gift, that's the one I want to open because it's so intriguing. That's what clothing does for you.

Stephanie: Right. Yeah. You brought a metaphor to life.

Yeah, it was, but it was fun. But again, I got to see some of my talents and skills that I took for granted working for myself, but helping somebody else. They created these beautiful presentations. And now I call presentations, it's verbal art. That's what I help people do, is craft these beautiful presentations. It's art.Interesting. So let's circle back to your personal life for a minute though, because your love story isn't done. Even though we had to say goodbye to Bob. Tell me about your 40th birthday.

Laurie-Ann: I was with somebody I don't want to. to remember. That's just being honest. But a couple of years later, I met, the man that I would marry next.

Stephanie: I remember you, you said to me that, your dad and your sister wanted to throw you a birthday party for your 40th and you said,

I'm going to go hang out with this guy. And then you said, he didn't last, I should have gone to my dad's.

Laurie-Ann: really should have. Because there's a friend who was, she was going to be there for that weekend. She couldn't be there for any of the other weekends and I'm sad to say that she's no longer here with us. She was such a special lady to me.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Laurie-Ann: So yeah, I didn't follow the right breadcrumb there.

Stephanie: Yeah, I mean, we do that all the time we, you know, we, we second guess ourselves and make these choices. I don't want to party. Let's just. We also get more adept at seeing the choices, good and bad from close up from far away. We can see them sort of sooner than we did when we were younger, I think.

Yeah. So you were, in your early forties when you met Mike, right?

Laurie-Ann: Yes. I was 42.

Stephanie: Okay.

Laurie-Ann: Yeah. I think that sounds about right.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: We're coming up on our 13th anniversary, 12th, no. This will be our 12th anniversary this September. Wow. That's amazing. and tell me how that love story was different than the first one. I had to teach myself that I don't have to be the caretaker. But I do see, like, after Bob, there was a guy that I dated, and it was just like I stepped out of that caretaking role, but I felt like after the guy that I, I kind of want to forget, I don't know if I really was the caretaker.

I was a little too moldable then. But this relationship. It was nice to know, like I had a partner, like I specifically remember this time that my car broke down on my way to the gym. Mike and I already married. And I just call him because I had gone to Starbucks and my car did not make it. I called AAA and they were coming to get my car and I call him and I just tell him like, Hey, my car broke down. I called AAA. So they're going to come get the car and we'll bring it to the mechanic.

And I just, I literally have my head down and I'm just playing on social media, engaging, because that's what we do as business owners. And then all of a sudden I see these two pair of boots And I look up and there he is.

He's like, come on, let's go to breakfast. Like I'd never even dawned on me to ask him to come get me. I was just like, I guess I'm just gonna get in the car, go to the mechanics and I'll just wait there. But turns out it was a little bit more of a bigger deal than just like, let's change the oil or something. They needed it for a couple of days, but it was just funny because I didn't know that I could like ask

Stephanie: yeah.

what I needed. So that was, that's been part of my learning in this relationship. He's just like done things. And it was just like, huh? Like, you'll go do that for me? Yeah. Or even not knowing what we need, right? Sometimes our partners know better or can see, right? That, you know, he probably understood, like, well, if the car is really broken down, you're gonna need a ride at some point.

Laurie-Ann: It could actually be that. Or he was just laying there thinking, my wife is stranded somewhere. And so this is his first marriage. So he didn't get married till he was like 46.

Stephanie: Mm hmm.

Laurie-Ann: And to think like, what was going on in his mind? Like, I'm not going to leave my wife stranded someplace.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Laurie-Ann: Like, how's she going to get home?

Stephanie: Right.

Laurie-Ann: You know, so he just shows up and it, but all his words were, let's go to breakfast.

Stephanie: Oh,

Laurie-Ann: was just going to go to the mechanics and I was going to walk to the gym. That's what I was going to do. It's going to walk to the gym in a snowstorm. Just just having you like, take me back to that moment. I mean, it's so funny. It's hilarious.

Stephanie: How very self sufficient of you,

Right. How very self contained,

Laurie-Ann: Yes. And I don't want to bother anybody.

Stephanie: Right, right. Yeah, but it's nice to know you don't have to and you're not a bother and there's

Laurie-Ann: ask him like, Hey, I need a ride to go drop the car off.

Stephanie: yeah,

Laurie-Ann: You know, here's what I need help with. Can you pick this up for me? It is very nice.

Stephanie: Yeah,

Laurie-Ann: But learning curve.

Stephanie: Yeah, Wow. So your midlife transition was, it's so interesting the book ends right with, you know, Bob from 34 to 36 and Mike from, you know, 42 to 44 when you guys got married. It's a really interesting, picture to look at and think about, how you, how you made your way through that midlife transition.

Laurie-Ann: Yeah. Without a manual.

Stephanie: None of us get manuals. It would I wish much easier if we did. No kidding. Do you always think of Greatest American Hero? When you think about the manual, I always think somebody says, I wish life had a manual. I always think of the Greatest American Hero.

Laurie-Ann: Yes. It would make it so much easier, but at the same time, then you'd make no mistakes. Even if somebody had told me, all right, you're going to do this leadership thing and it's going to feel like you're running through mud. It's going to be really hard for this many years, but then something's going to happen. Someone's going to send you a text message, going to completely change your life. I'd be like, whatever's. Like, I'm still going to go through the muck.

Stephanie: Right.

Laurie-Ann: I would just be hoping that the text message would come sooner,

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: since it was going to change my life.

Stephanie: Which means you'd always be distracted from the mud because you'd always be looking for the text message. So you wouldn't actually be focused on the things you needed to be focused on.

Laurie-Ann: Right. And I wouldn't be fully present in the mud. And I had to learn all that stuff, because that's why people hire me. They're just like, you were an actual professional. So like you made a living off of doing this. You negotiated contracts, you know, you found your own gigs. You did the referrals, you asked for the testimonials.

Yeah.

Stephanie: And now I get to teach those. Oh, what a perfect metaphor for the midlife transition. Ladies and gentlemen, you have to go through the mud. You can't, you

Laurie-Ann: but Enjoy, the mud. Enjoy the messy middle.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Laurie-Ann: Because that's what makes the other side so beautiful.

Stephanie: And so sweet. Yeah. And that's how, you know, it's sweet too, because again, you have something to compare and contrast against. And, you know. I had terrible, terrible romantic relationships, in my twenties and thirties. and then I met my husband when I turned 40 and much like you, I always say we met the old fashioned way. We met in a bar.

I saw him across the way and I had this moment where kind of like everything, it was almost like you'd see it on TV. Everything went out of focus except him. And this was like an hour before I met him. Like, I didn't even know, maybe I thought I was getting a buzz on or something, but it was like, like the Universe was like, zoom in on this character.

Laurie-Ann: Talk about energy attracting energy.

Stephanie: Yeah. And then an hour later he comes within, speaking distance of where I was sitting. And I started to sass off at him and the rest is history. So. Yeah.

Laurie-Ann, what a wonderful, discussion we've had today. Thank you so much for being so generous with your story. You've done such a great job of, of helping me illustrate so much of this midlife transition about, you know, the messes we go through around 40, but how worth it it is on the other side.

Laurie-Ann: Yeah. I wouldn't give it up for anything.

Stephanie: Me neither. Thanks.

Laurie-Ann: Thank you.